she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
