Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
