You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
