absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
