i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
