Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
