An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
When did angry sex become our thing?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
