he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
