my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
