I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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