It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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