If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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