I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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