At least make sure they are 18
Why
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
