I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
