can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize