i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize