never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
