Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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