Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
