Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
