Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Liz is crying about burritos again.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
