I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
