I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
