I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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