You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
