WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
whose ass print is on the piano?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize