I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize