I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
