he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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