So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize