I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
