i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
