I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Michael Bay diarrhea
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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