This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I still have a little drunk in my system
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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