I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
