Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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