just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
