Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
