Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
