so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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