it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
