My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
