Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
