I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
