I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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