Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
