"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
