dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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