i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
