We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We are all done wearing pants today
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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