Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
