It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
