Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Pappa wants mamma naked
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
