Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
