i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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