she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
