What a fucking waste of an outfit
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
