Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
