I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
