It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
