It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize