yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
