I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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